Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
