She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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