she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
