Say something about gay babies.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
