Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
