that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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