Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That's intense
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
