I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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