you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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