dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize