Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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