Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
