I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
