Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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