We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
