she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
