If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize