so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
