Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
