i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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