I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
