I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
