Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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