guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i think i just lost a toe
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
