i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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