took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
