I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
