God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
