I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize