So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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