I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
