smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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