You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
