Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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