When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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