I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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