i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
