Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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