I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
