Already got asked if we're dating
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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