I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
