I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
