Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
