i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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