We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
