Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
