Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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