They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
