I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize