He kissed a someone with a penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
