Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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