Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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