I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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