Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
