i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
