Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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