It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
