I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
