so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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