Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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