I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
