You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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