I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
