he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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