so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
