Someone shit on the floor
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
