Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
