I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
