Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
