Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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