wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
