i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
