All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
