I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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